Hi guys!
I'm Amber, 18, and a musician, but a musician with high functioning autism. It was only a year ago when I received the diagnosis, and was told that being female, and having such a strong passion in music to turn to when I'm struggling, masked my struggles up for years. My wee article will cover my experience of music and my relationship between autism and music. I will try to explain my journey from feeling like the odd one out amongst my friends, to stopping gigs due to my struggles then the enjoyment of gigs now and the great friendships I have formed.
From a young age I have had such a strong interest and passion from music, but for a style which differed from my peers. Unlike the stereotypical kid who would often listen to pop or rock, I was fixated with Scottish traditional, contemporary and folk music. This led to me being called a granny for watching soaps and liking 'old people music'! This was one of the first things that made me feel isolated with my age group.
Growing up near Fochabers in the north east, I have come into contact with some amazing people. Receiving lessons from amazing tutors, beginning with Amy Stewart, then local star James Alexander, and following retirement Alexander Davidson. I have received a couple of lessons from Charlie McKerron, and have been influenced by my grandad, a former pipe major and owner to a BEM (British empire medal) my family support continues from my lovely Aunt Fiona Davidson, I have been lucky enough to bring home some trophies with her and teachers names on.
Hearing music was one thing, but playing it was a whole new insight which engaged me into a feeling I never felt before. My playing progressed and from about age 11/12 I started competing, and through this I have met some lovely amazing people and made new friendships from this. As time progressed my brain continued development and when I started competing more regularly, attending concerts and playing at gigs, this was when I began experiencing things which interfered with the almost perfect connection with me and music.
Brain development continued impacting me and my experiences and not always in the best way. The past 2 years in particular has been such a dramatic change as to how I feel and cope in musical environments.
I began to feel unable to socialise effectively, nor be able to be able to feel comfortable in a room of people for long, even at a gig or concert. The main triggers that impacted me in a musical environment can be socialising, noises and visual (movement and lights). Although music and brought me up to such a peak where my playing was getting good I was in a band and teaching, I had to stop the band because I got quite upset with the fact that something was impacting on my connection with music, and in many situations too negatively.
Since then I continued to become more sensitive to various things but I soon realised, there's little will stop these feelings from occuring, but I can find coping mechanisms to overcome this and not let it stop me going out socialising and having fun. I realised the more you put it off the harder it will be. And that's what I did.
Through the support of many folk, including musicians, professionals and others, it took a while but over time I discovered strategies I could use to minimise the effect some things would have on me.
Key issues I had to overcome were noise, changes and visual. Noise was only an issue if the level of live music was at an extent which I couldn't focus on above talking and other noises, but if it was at a break at a concert or gig, I would often use headphones and play music to calm me down as it was all too much to process.
Struggling with changes was probably the first thing which I felt I could deal with, I just have a set of questions to ask to understand why it's changed and that plan B is secure and steady to avoid me panicking over uncertainty.
For the visual stimulation, it caused me to get quite tired but I just have to keep telling myself to stay calm. I use a stress ball if there is lots of people and stay close to someone I know to try and focus on something else as part of you will think if something is bothering you on several occasions, it will always bother you so it's a case of re training your brain so you don't associate triggers and certain situation with stress, and this has really helped me particularly in the last year, and more so past few months.
As a result of adapting my response to these issues, I have continued to make fantastic friendships through music and getting back into playing at concerts and various things.
There are still many triggers, but it's how I let them affect me and my passion for music will determine my success and happiness. I strongly believe music is a therapy for many people and mental health issues is often something many folk have experienced or still do, but it is also something not talked about enough or people are aware of how to recognise issues, but how to help. I'd highly encourage people to feel they can talk to someone as there will be people out there who understand and are willing to help, and I'd be more than happy if anyone wanted advice or a chat.
Music has clearly been my therapy, what I turn to when things are tough, and I might not be the player and enthusiast I am without it. I am so thankful for those who I have met and helped me on my journey and really excited for what the future holds.
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